~What art is to me

Art is the artists expression of their interpretation of the world. The more people it resonates with, the more people can understand their views. People need human connection, and the connected feeling they get when they see or hear art that resonates with them provides that in the feelings it brings out.

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Creationism – Not Divine but Scientific

I recently watched a video where Craig Venter unveiled synthetic life and it got me thinking. If humans have created a synthetic life-form capable of living, it’s only a matter of time before we gain greater understanding into lifeforms, their unique genetic codes and how to manipulate them. Sometime in the future, it’s likely there will be synthetic lifeforms that resemble the simplest lifeforms found at the origins of Earth, capable of mutating, and thus evolving.

Our knowledge of space and physics is growing exponentially, and even if we haven’t confirmed the existence of a planet capable of supporting life, at least as we know it, we know by probability that there are a large number that are. We have already sent out probes in to space, voyager 1 being over 18.8 billion kilometres away and we have figured out how to land spacecraft on Martian surfaces.

This leads me to believe that one day we could find a planet capable of sustaining life and transport a synthetic lifeform to it, which could start an evolutionary chain that in billions or trillions of years could lead to life at a level of complexity that rivals that on Earth.

Eventually, and it’s not necessary for this theory to be valid, humans could master interstellar travel and move around the universe in an efficient way. We could visit these planets, call a man to the top of a mountain and have him carve 10 commandments in to a stone. We could artificially inseminate a woman in an illiterate part of the world and have her bear a child as a virgin. We could control lightning on the planet and call ourselves Zeus.

Then we could sit back and laugh about it with our friends and hedge out bets as to the outcome. Will they master interstellar travel and reach Godlike status like our species? Or will they become extinct due to religious wars or destruction of the planet for profits?

What I’m getting at is humans could eventually possess the knowledge to have the powers of ‘God’ or a creator. This doesn’t validate religions and their mostly outdated, unscientific beliefs, but it does question the origins of life and how certain life can be created. It by no means proves the existence of God. On the contrary, it suggests that science is the best chance humans have at understanding the origins of life, specifically by reverse engineering it to its most basic form.

I am not using this theory to argue that humans and life on earth was created, but I am suggesting that there is a possibility that somewhere out there, there has been or will be a species that was created by another species, and is therefore a product of creation and evolution.

Of course, who or whatever caused the big bang and the first sign of life isn’t covered in this theory.

Fuckboys, and why girls go for them

Preface

I want to make it clear that nothing in this article is presented as fact. These are just my observations as a friend of woman who deal with fuckboys, as someone who was for a short time a fuckboy, and as my post-fuckboy self who is struggling to find something meaningful because woman keep going for fuckboys.

I am writing in terms of ‘fuckboy’ instead of ‘fuckgirl’ because more people are complaining about fuckboys than fuckgirls at the moment. This behaviour, regardless of sex is emotionally immature and disrespectful and the cycle outlined in the conclusion needs to be broken.

Now that we have that out of the way, let me explain how guys become fuckboys, or simply put, a man that treats woman as objects.

The Fuckboy

Guys have an idea that sleeping with lots of woman is some sort of accomplishment. This behaviour is due to the misguided idealisation of rock stars, sports players and pickup artists that are glorified for doing so. Young, impressionable guys see this as ‘alpha behaviour’, and set out to sleep with as many girls as they can.

These guys generally have large, fragile egos that protect them from feeling real and true emotions towards woman. Many will not be able to process emotions that develop when they meet a ‘special’ girl and will sabotage the potential relationship to prevent further feelings from developing.

Fuckboys think that people, specifically woman are interchangeable and don’t have a problem dating many at once, with no intention of it ever progressing to anything serious. They will keep a girl around knowing she wants something more while sleeping with other woman at the same time.

In fact, many will brag about it. They will go on to share naked photos of you with their friends and brag about what they did to you, and their other conquests and how many other girls they have ‘on the go’.

These are signs of an emotionally immature or damaged male, and they all exhibit the same specific signs found here. The causes of the journey to becoming a fuckboy vary, but the common ones seem to be seeking validation from other males, or being hurt previously and developing an emotionless façade in which they then become.

Regardless, all being a fuckboy does is leaves path of emotional destruction, both to the fuckboy himself and all of his ‘conquests’.

A Lover of Woman

A person that gets mistakenly branded as a fuckboy is rare but they do exist. These are the Hank Moody’s of the world. For those of you that don’t know Californication, Hank is the male lead who is often mistakenly glorified by fuckboys for the amount of woman he ,beds, instead of how caring and genuine he is to the woman, which is ironically the reason they sleep with him.

He is also very open about his unavailable emotional status from the start, and says what he wants to say, not what the girl wants to hear, the polar opposite of fuckboys.

The major difference between a lover of woman and a fuckboy is the motive behind the intimacy. Men who love woman don’t set out to sleep with woman, but if the opportunity arises and they feel it’s the right thing to do, they will. Fuckboys will sleep with woman just go get a notch on the belt.

One of my favourite quotes from Hank is when he is asked if he has fucked a girl. Hank replies ‘a gentleman never tells’. In contrast, a true fuckboy would bring up a photo and explain the details of the sex in a derogatory way just to boast.

Why do girls go for fuckboys?

From what I have seen, it comes down to a few things.

Self-Worth – Many girls out there, for reasons including their upbringing, the media or previous relationships have a low self-worth. Even if this girl is truly wonderful, they will only allow themselves to be with someone who treats them as highly as they think of themselves. Some of the best people I know have the lowest self-worth, and they punish themselves by allowing ‘fuckboys’ to keep getting away with their shitty behaviour by wrongly assuming responsibility for the fuckboys actions, as well as blaming themselves for the behaviour of said fuckboy.

I can change him – It’s everyone’s dream to have the person they love make them feel special. If you’ve ever seen the movie Sweet November, you’ll understand the analogy that everyone wants to be Charlize’s Keanu Reeves. The problem is, fuckboys don’t have the capacity to love in this way because of the things outlined above.

Each time the fuckboy shows some emotion or feeling towards the woman, they feel he has started to change, but in reality, the change is so miniscule and momentary that it is insignificant in the grand scheme of things. The woman thinks they are finally making some progress and continues through another period of torment before seeing some more behaviour she likes.

The cycle then repeats until the ‘relationship’ ends, in which the girl is generally left with lower self-worth and the guy repeats the cycle with a different girl.

I want to make it clear that healing from emotional damage is not going to occur overnight either. It is going to be a long journey of figuring out the reasons his thought processes are the way they are before they can be fully changed using a form of psychotherapy.

You’ve been hurt before – Perhaps the same reason the fuckboy is the way he is and perhaps the same reason you shut yourself off emotionally to someone you could really fall for. After a breakup, many people look for cheap thrills for validation. Eventually, cheap thrills get boring but the habit of searching for cheap thrills has already formed. This habit often goes unnoticed, and both men and woman get stuck in a state where they are constantly searching for the next thrill.

After a while, the effect of the thrills becomes so meaningless, even emotionally damaging and you’re left longing for something meaningful. But without consciously breaking the habit and changing your behaviour, you’ll continue to do what you have been doing, which is to continue sleeping with and complaining about fuckboys.

Nice guys aren’t a challenge – This ties is with almost all of the above reasons, but nice guys don’t represent a challenge. Most girls I’ve met have a really good bullshit radar. Fuckboys often slip past this radar because they aren’t saying bullshit. They are genuinely interested in sleeping with you, and they have a great understanding of what to say to make that happen.

From my experience, woman respond better to highly sexual conversations that consist of innuendoes, sarcasm and backhanded compliments. These are things that most men don’t feel comfortable bringing to the conversation as they think they’ll come off creepy or look like an asshole. There is definitely a fine line between getting it right and horribly wrong, however the fuckboy has found the line and doesn’t cross it until he has got what he wanted or been rejected.

The problem is, many nice guys aren’t charismatic and don’t approach woman in this way. They approach with the same old safe, boring routine delivered the same way the previous guy did. It isn’t exciting and it’s not challenging.

Now I’m not saying all nice guys are bad with woman, and I’m not saying this is the only successful way to approach woman. These are my observations from my experiences, and the way in which my friends responded by men who have approached them.

Conclusion

There seems to be a never-ending cycle that exists between previous experiences and how a person views potential future partners. A person from either one of the sexes gets hurt and switches off their emotions (at least temporarily), not allowing themselves to enter anything meaningful. They will then subsequently hurt someone else, who will then switch ,of their emotions and continue on that path of meaningless sex for the emotionally damaged.

This emotionless paths forms a habit which becomes hard to break, yet people struggle with a string of meaningless relationships without understanding where the problem comes from. The problem comes from within.

This article explains how people fall in love and what emotional state you must be in to be open to an intimate loving relationship. For those of you who want a brief summary, here it is.

You can only fall in love when you know what you have to offer, understand that you shouldn’t be taken for granted and respect yourself, and the other person is in the same boat. n’sations that consist of innuendoes, sarcasm and backhanded compliments. fall for. .ging them to either, it is

Living in the Moment

 

the time is now Image by lindseygail10

What is living in the moment?

Have you ever been so immersed in a conversation, environment or experience that you forgot that there was a world outside what of you were doing? This feeling of being fully present in a situation is defined as living in the moment and is the state of true happiness.

The most noticeable times we see the power that living in the moment can have for our emotional health are when trying to forget a negative, life-changing event has just happened. The death of a loved one, the end of a failed relationship or loss of your retirement fund on a bad investment.

Often you will try and distract yourself to forget about the problem. You’ll find when you’re distracted, you’re happy and may even crack a smile, but eventually, thoughts of what you were trying to escape from creep back in to mind and you start to feel physically sick.

This proves that when you live in the moment, you truly stop thinking about the past or worrying about the future and are in a state of happiness. Unfortunately for humans, we’re thinkers, and most of us spend almost half our time thinking about something other than the task at hand.

For me, this happens if I’m doing a repetitive task I don’t find enjoyable, or doesn’t require any problem solving ability. This also holds true if I’m having a conversation that doesn’t quickly progress past small talk, or if I’m stuck in a place that I don’t want to be. Basically, anywhere where I have time to think.

I want to be clear, I’m not saying to live in the moment to avoid dealing with problems or thinking about the future. There are things from our past that need to be worked through, and we have to plan for the future, but there are specific ways to approach these problems that have a more positive impact on our emotional health.

Why is living in the moment important?

When we aren’t present in the moment, we are often thinking about the past or future.

If you’re like me, when you think about the past you often come up with alternate scenarios of what you could have done differently to get the result you wanted. Be it with a person you’re interested in, your university results or where you could be if you kept playing sport from a younger age.

When I think about the future, I often come up with a countless number of scenarios, and anxiously try to find which would be the ideal one. How am I going to fit in all these things in the week? What should I reply to the text from the girl I’m interested in? Did she like my reply? I knew I should have sent the other message I thought of.

This starts a viscous cycle, because no matter what you do, you’ll always question whether you did the right thing, and you’ll start thinking about what you could have done different. This starts a negative through process and actually teaches your brain to think this way. If left unchecked, it makes it almost impossible to unconsciously live in the moment, even if you are in good company doing something you enjoy.

When you start consciously trying to live in the moment, you are breaking the bad thought processes and habits you’ve created by living in the past and future. After some time, your anxieties and questioning of your actions starts to reduce. They may never be gone for good, but they become very manageable and easy to stop from progressing to the chain reaction they can start.

Living in the moment also makes every moment more enjoyable. I used to work on the registers at a supermarket. I never really enjoyed the job, as it gave me what seemed like forever to think about things I could’ve done differently, develop future plans and consequently made me extremely anxious; but sometimes I would act happy, talk to customers and have fun with the job. When I was doing the latter, time would pass faster, and I would be in a much happier state.

Living in the moment is perception thing, and the perception can be learned.

How to live in the moment?

There is no grand answer that will keep you in the moment, but I’m going to talk about the things that have helped me stay in the moment when it starts slipping away.

Exercise – Any exercise is good. I used to train at a gym, but I eventually transitioned to yoga while I recovered from chronic fatigue. Yoga has been fantastic, as stretching and focusing on your breath requires concentration and keeps you in the moment. It also helps keep the muscles limber and flexible which is great for people that sit down for work and get stressed about the damage it does.

Mindfulness Mediation – I often do this after yoga, as I’m already in a relaxed state, but you don’t have to. I start with my eyes open, take 5 deep breaths, and on the last exhale I slowly close my eyes. I continue to focus on my breath, but am also aware of the ambient sounds around me and any textures, smells and temperature changes in or on my body. This develops the sensate brain, or the brain that interprets external stimuli.

With practice it becomes easier to switch to the sensate brain, as the meditation strengthens the connections between your brain and external stimuli. The practice is great, as when you feel your mind wandering back to negative thought processes, you just start focusing on what you can the textures and temperatures objects you can touch, the aromas in the air and what you can see behind your eyes. This shifts your focus from thinking about the past and future and keeps you in the moment.

The next step is to progressively relax the muscles. Start at the toes and work your way up your legs, switching off each muscle one by one. After your body is fully relaxed, focus on your breathing and consciously try to feel and slow you heartrate.

Once you are in this sensate world, you’re only focus is the external stimulus. You’ve allowed your body to relax, and allowed your mind to be quiet. If you start thinking about the future or past, put extra focus into concentrating on what messages your senses are sending to your brain. The more you practice training your brain to focus on the senses, the easier it gets, and the easier it becomes to use your sensate brain to live in the moment, both while meditating and otherwise.

Dismissing Thoughts – There are many times throughout the day where it can be easy to slip into a negative thought process. Most of the thoughts that cause anxiety are irrational, and no matter how much we think about them we won’t find a solution we are happy with. If an unpleasant thought pops in to my head, the way I stop it spirally out of control is by focusing on my breathing and the sensations around me.

Sometimes I wake up with anxious thoughts about the past or future. These thoughts often catch me off guard as I’m not fully conscious, but the same principle applies. I start noticing how nice the material of the bedsheets feels on my skin, I have a drink of water to moisten my dry mouth, and I get up.

Other times I get negative thoughts, I’m alone at home, in the shower, driving or am somewhere I don’t want to be. It may be different for you, but the same principles apply. Always focus on breathing deeply. Feel the temperatures around you, ask yourself what the temperature is, and notice the little details about things that you never noticed before.

If I’m driving I’ll feel the texture of steering wheel, turn up the radio and actually listen to the music, instead of it being ambient sound to my thoughts. If I’m in the shower I’ll feel the temperature of the water, and listen to the sound it makes when it hits the ground.

If practiced correctly, dismissing these thoughts before they manifest will generally have them out of your head completely within 15 minutes. It is a constant battle, but the more you practice and win, the easier it becomes. You may not win every battle, but you will win the war.

You’re your best you in the moment

Ever spent time with someone and felt drained when they left? This is because they don’t live in the moment. They spend all their time talking about the past and future, in a negative way. There are times when you need to vent, but after the venting you should return to the moment.

People are their best when they are their happiest, and they are happiest when they are in the moment. When you see someone that’s having the best time, they are in the moment, and nothing can take them away from it.

It you’re not in the moment, people will know. You won’t maintain eye contact, you’ll be constantly looking around, fidgeting and thinking about what else you could be doing. This body language is one of the primary reasons someone is bad company. You won’t make any friends, or have any experiences that may help you live in the moment if you don’t first immerse yourself in it.