I want to make it clear that nothing in this article is presented as fact. These are just my observations as a friend of woman who deal with fuckboys, as someone who was for a short time a fuckboy, and as my post-fuckboy self who is struggling to find something meaningful because woman keep going for fuckboys.
I am writing in terms of ‘fuckboy’ instead of ‘fuckgirl’ because more people are complaining about fuckboys than fuckgirls at the moment. This behaviour, regardless of sex is emotionally immature and disrespectful and the cycle outlined in the conclusion needs to be broken.
Now that we have that out of the way, let me explain how guys become fuckboys, or simply put, a man that treats woman as objects.
Guys have an idea that sleeping with lots of woman is some sort of accomplishment. This behaviour is due to the misguided idealisation of rock stars, sports players and pickup artists that are glorified for doing so. Young, impressionable guys see this as ‘alpha behaviour’, and set out to sleep with as many girls as they can.
These guys generally have large, fragile egos that protect them from feeling real and true emotions towards woman. Many will not be able to process emotions that develop when they meet a ‘special’ girl and will sabotage the potential relationship to prevent further feelings from developing.
Fuckboys think that people, specifically woman are interchangeable and don’t have a problem dating many at once, with no intention of it ever progressing to anything serious. They will keep a girl around knowing she wants something more while sleeping with other woman at the same time.
In fact, many will brag about it. They will go on to share naked photos of you with their friends and brag about what they did to you, and their other conquests and how many other girls they have ‘on the go’.
These are signs of an emotionally immature or damaged male, and they all exhibit the same specific signs found here. The causes of the journey to becoming a fuckboy vary, but the common ones seem to be seeking validation from other males, or being hurt previously and developing an emotionless façade in which they then become.
Regardless, all being a fuckboy does is leaves path of emotional destruction, both to the fuckboy himself and all of his ‘conquests’.
A Lover of Woman
A person that gets mistakenly branded as a fuckboy is rare but they do exist. These are the Hank Moody’s of the world. For those of you that don’t know Californication, Hank is the male lead who is often mistakenly glorified by fuckboys for the amount of woman he ,beds, instead of how caring and genuine he is to the woman, which is ironically the reason they sleep with him.
He is also very open about his unavailable emotional status from the start, and says what he wants to say, not what the girl wants to hear, the polar opposite of fuckboys.
The major difference between a lover of woman and a fuckboy is the motive behind the intimacy. Men who love woman don’t set out to sleep with woman, but if the opportunity arises and they feel it’s the right thing to do, they will. Fuckboys will sleep with woman just go get a notch on the belt.
One of my favourite quotes from Hank is when he is asked if he has fucked a girl. Hank replies ‘a gentleman never tells’. In contrast, a true fuckboy would bring up a photo and explain the details of the sex in a derogatory way just to boast.
Why do girls go for fuckboys?
From what I have seen, it comes down to a few things.
Self-Worth – Many girls out there, for reasons including their upbringing, the media or previous relationships have a low self-worth. Even if this girl is truly wonderful, they will only allow themselves to be with someone who treats them as highly as they think of themselves. Some of the best people I know have the lowest self-worth, and they punish themselves by allowing ‘fuckboys’ to keep getting away with their shitty behaviour by wrongly assuming responsibility for the fuckboys actions, as well as blaming themselves for the behaviour of said fuckboy.
I can change him – It’s everyone’s dream to have the person they love make them feel special. If you’ve ever seen the movie Sweet November, you’ll understand the analogy that everyone wants to be Charlize’s Keanu Reeves. The problem is, fuckboys don’t have the capacity to love in this way because of the things outlined above.
Each time the fuckboy shows some emotion or feeling towards the woman, they feel he has started to change, but in reality, the change is so miniscule and momentary that it is insignificant in the grand scheme of things. The woman thinks they are finally making some progress and continues through another period of torment before seeing some more behaviour she likes.
The cycle then repeats until the ‘relationship’ ends, in which the girl is generally left with lower self-worth and the guy repeats the cycle with a different girl.
I want to make it clear that healing from emotional damage is not going to occur overnight either. It is going to be a long journey of figuring out the reasons his thought processes are the way they are before they can be fully changed using a form of psychotherapy.
You’ve been hurt before – Perhaps the same reason the fuckboy is the way he is and perhaps the same reason you shut yourself off emotionally to someone you could really fall for. After a breakup, many people look for cheap thrills for validation. Eventually, cheap thrills get boring but the habit of searching for cheap thrills has already formed. This habit often goes unnoticed, and both men and woman get stuck in a state where they are constantly searching for the next thrill.
After a while, the effect of the thrills becomes so meaningless, even emotionally damaging and you’re left longing for something meaningful. But without consciously breaking the habit and changing your behaviour, you’ll continue to do what you have been doing, which is to continue sleeping with and complaining about fuckboys.
Nice guys aren’t a challenge – This ties is with almost all of the above reasons, but nice guys don’t represent a challenge. Most girls I’ve met have a really good bullshit radar. Fuckboys often slip past this radar because they aren’t saying bullshit. They are genuinely interested in sleeping with you, and they have a great understanding of what to say to make that happen.
From my experience, woman respond better to highly sexual conversations that consist of innuendoes, sarcasm and backhanded compliments. These are things that most men don’t feel comfortable bringing to the conversation as they think they’ll come off creepy or look like an asshole. There is definitely a fine line between getting it right and horribly wrong, however the fuckboy has found the line and doesn’t cross it until he has got what he wanted or been rejected.
The problem is, many nice guys aren’t charismatic and don’t approach woman in this way. They approach with the same old safe, boring routine delivered the same way the previous guy did. It isn’t exciting and it’s not challenging.
Now I’m not saying all nice guys are bad with woman, and I’m not saying this is the only successful way to approach woman. These are my observations from my experiences, and the way in which my friends responded by men who have approached them.
There seems to be a never-ending cycle that exists between previous experiences and how a person views potential future partners. A person from either one of the sexes gets hurt and switches off their emotions (at least temporarily), not allowing themselves to enter anything meaningful. They will then subsequently hurt someone else, who will then switch ,of their emotions and continue on that path of meaningless sex for the emotionally damaged.
This emotionless paths forms a habit which becomes hard to break, yet people struggle with a string of meaningless relationships without understanding where the problem comes from. The problem comes from within.
This article explains how people fall in love and what emotional state you must be in to be open to an intimate loving relationship. For those of you who want a brief summary, here it is.
You can only fall in love when you know what you have to offer, understand that you shouldn’t be taken for granted and respect yourself, and the other person is in the same boat. n’sations that consist of innuendoes, sarcasm and backhanded compliments. fall for. .ging them to either, it is